A Smaller Minority: Gays for Traditional Marriage

I've had something on my mind for the last couple weeks. It's actually been tormenting me here and there, and worst of all, it's been distracting me during my morning scripture study. I know that the "right" answer is to let it go and let God handle it, but sometimes it's helpful to get it out in the open.

A couple years ago, I had a rather significant experience that was pivotal in my understanding of why the nuclear family is so important, not only in the Church, but in society. It helped me understand why Church leaders got so involved in legal processes, even if it was done imperfectly. This experience I had...well...it was kind of sacred, and I struggle explaining it or knowing if I should even share it. It had to do with the Proclamation to the World, particularly the last few paragraphs.

"Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity...

We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society."

The part about the family being a "fundamental unit of society" made me think about a foundation. A building needs a foundation. It doesn't matter if that building is liberal, conservative, God-fearing/loving or atheist. If that building doesn't have its foundation, it will not last. In comparing this to society...I believe the doctrine on the family transcends politics, perceived civil rights, and even personal morality.  (And don't even think that I'm suggesting that marriage redefinition is the sole thing contributing to the disintegration of the family unit, although it is not exempt.  There is so much more.  One way Satan is also attacking the family is parents and siblings intentionally severing ties with their gay family members.)

That opened my eyes to what the rest of the Proclamation is teaching. It teaches the ideal family situation. A family with a married man and woman is the best place to raise children, especially when based on principles of the gospel (this is true for other religions too). I would think even gay children need a mom and a dad! Not all of us will have our own families. Some of us are gay and do not see marriage in this lifetime, some are infertile and some have disabilities that prevent them from getting married.  Heck!  Some of us don't even know what gender God intended for us to be!  Anyway, love and companionship is important in a marriage, but that's not the only reason we have marriage as defined by God. It is for growing and replenishing the earth, possibly to keep societies alive and healthy. And for those of us who aren't married or who do not have children, we will see those blessings come forth as we are faithful.  In fact, I believe this applies to anyone in any situation who strives to turn toward the Savior, even some people in same-sex relationships.

Anyway, I always thought it was ridiculous when I heard about members of the Church facing discipline for supporting gay marriage when they were otherwise living faithful lives. I could understand the conflict, but I think some leaders acted too hastily. But in my case, now that Elder Christofferson has made some clarifications on that (which I'm not complaining about), it has caused me to question my own experience. I honestly felt that in voicing or silently supporting the nuclear family and "traditional" marriage, I was following the prophets and sustaining them. I felt like I was doing what was right. I'd like to think that my experience was something more than just a manifestation of my "conservative" views.

(TANGENT!  Some people don't like the terms "gay" and "straight."  Well, I don't like the terms "conservative" and "liberal" in many situations.  I'm "liberal" because I'm gay, and for some reason, same-sex attraction is a liberal concept.  I'm also "conservative" because of my LDS values.  Really, I'm just trying to learn about God.)

I still believe in what the Proclamation says, and I hope my experience with it was of God and that it was in line with what the prophets say. The main part of this post is...sometimes I feel a lone...as a gay Mormon who doesn't support marriage redefinition ("a smaller minority," if you will). In a world that tells me that the ultimate measure of Christlike love is to support gay marriage and that I'm branded a "homophobic judgmental bigot" if I don't...it's tough to hear that and stick with the revelation I have received. Please keep in mind, I'm not talking about people, as much as ideals and values.  I would hope that as I strive to walk with those who do not agree with me or who live different lifestyles, I would hope they would also walk with me, as I try to figure out the messages I have received.

I value my gayness and I also value the teachings on the family. Nothing matches the marriage relationship (of course, I'm talking about good, healthy marriage relationships). Defining marriage between a man and a woman in no way lessens my worth as a human being.  It does NOT make me second class, and it doesn't demean the love I have for other men. We don't need marriage and sex to find intimacy, companionship and love. I still believe there is a lot about homosexuality that is divine, and I'm grateful for that blessing.

I've opened up my mind and heart to the many ways people reconcile their faith and feelings. We often hear that there's not a one-size-fits-all answer, especially when it comes to LGBT issues. I'd even say that's true even when keeping temple covenants and maintaining an eternal perspective. I'm doing better with how I feel about others in the LGBT community. But I still haven't shaken the feelings I've had about the family.  Even if I were to pursue some form of same-sex relationship, I doubt I would forget that manifestation.

Homosexuality...A Sin?

(Note: This is written from the perspective of a gay Latter-day Saint man...so insert the appropriate pronouns for women.  Also, as a reminder, terms like "homosexual" and "gay" are words that I use simply to refer to the experience of same-sex attraction).

No, I’m not questioning the law of chastity, nor am I questioning marriage between a man and a woman.  I also still believe it is important to avoid the traps of pornography and lust.  Nevertheless, why is it that when we hear the words “gay” or “homosexual,” we automatically think, “Sin! Sin! Sex! Sin!?”  Why is it that when we see two guys with their arms around each other, holding hands, or hugging for more than one second, we automatically think that (1) they are gay and (2) that they are in a sexual or romantic relationship?  I’ve been guilty of assuming the same.

In my frequenting on social media, I’ve come across several debates surrounding same-sex marriage or the origins of same-sex attraction.  I see comments ranging from “Homosexuality is a sin,” to “No, homosexuality is not a sin,” and I often wonder, “Do these people even know what they're talking about?”  One person might be talking about lust and sex, while the other may be talking about all the other stuff that comes along with homosexuality, such as affection, emotional connection and deep friendship.  I think it’s time to explain what we mean when we say these terms. If you believe sexual behavior between two of the same-sex is wrong, say it that way.  If you believe the terms "gay" and "homosexual" should be reserved to describe that kind of sexual sin, that is OK...just explain what you mean.  Many people use these terms simply to describe their feelings of same-sex attraction.  The dictionary definitions are also rather ambiguous.  Please don't say "I don't approve of homosexuality" and just leave it at that.

Homosexuality isn’t going anywhere.  It's not just a matter of recovering from lust and pornography.  Many have tried therapy.  Many have tried marriage to get rid of their same-sex attractions.  Many have prayed night after night to be released from this ever-present conflict between their sexuality and their faith.  I do know of very few circumstances where people have experienced a shift in their attractions, but they did not do it through any of the above.  It just happened as they moved along in life.

Have we stopped to consider that there may be a purpose for homosexuality other than just a trial to be endured?  Have we considered that there may be something divine about the love that can exist between two of the same gender and how Satan has now come along and sexualized a bunch of it?  Is it possible that many who experience same-sex attraction, no matter what their current choices are, possess certain divine attributes that others may not have?  People are often surprised at how kind and gentle gay people can be.  Many of us simply want to press forward in the gospel, make the same covenants, and enjoy the fellowship of our brothers and sisters.  Nevertheless, we still have intimate needs that can only be met through healthy interaction with other men, gay or straight.  The Church does not recommend getting married to cure same-sex attraction.  However, some gay men do marry women, and it has worked as they have been open and honest with their wives.  Even then, they still need their guy time.

We live in a fallen world.  Many don't like it when same-sex attraction is compared to a disorder, addictive tendency or another mortal condition, but I don't mind such comparisons when one is seeking to understand.  In a well-known scripture, Ether 12:27, we read "I make weak things become strong unto them."  Sure, I might be deficient in that I'm not able to love women in ways a lot of other guys do.  I might struggle with questions about what my purpose is or where I fit in God's plan, but in return, God has blessed me with an increased ability to love other men.  

I am grateful to have found a community of brothers (and sisters...I love you too) who experience same-sex attraction, and who live within the standards of the Church.  I love them very much.  Some of my greatest spiritual experiences are when we gather at firesides (see northstarlds.org).  I invited a friend from a previous ward to attend one of these firesides.  One of his observations was that we love God, and we love each other...in that order.  I also enjoy gathering with these brothers and sisters in the temple.  Just think...an endowment session highly populated by gays and lesbians?  What an amazing sight (not everyone identifies with those terms, but seriously...)!  What on Earth is so sinful about that?

This is a spiritual journey for me.  I'm not really in tune with what science has to say about sexuality.  I know that it's all over the place and most likely based on the beliefs of the researchers (this is one reason I'm grateful for gospel truths).  I can't speak for all gay Mormons, but the debate surrounding being "born this way" is rather irrelevant to me.  When someone asks me if I think I was born this way, I just say "It doesn't matter.  God has given me commandments to keep." 

Maybe someday science will find a way to safely transition from one orientation to another, but if given the choice, I'm not sure I would want to.  I've seen so many blessings in my life from accepting this part of myself.  I'm developing great friendships with other men where there is a mutual, God-like love.  I'm learning more about what it's like to love others as Jesus loves them.  I feel like all this is inseparably connected with my same-sex attraction.  Sure, I still have sexual urges from time to time (like most anyone else...believe it or not, people actually struggle with their heterosexuality), but actual sexual attraction is just a small part of the bundle of what makes me me. 

When I think about the resurrection and receiving perfect bodies, I like to think that we'll all be attracted to each other in the exact ways God intended for us to be.  I don't think of being made "straight" as much as being made right.  My heterosexual desires will be perfected, while others (maybe on the homophobic end) may have their homosexual desires perfected (or more like homo-emotional, homo-affectionate, homo-spiritual, if you will).  I 100% believe in a family consisting of a husband, a wife and children.  I also believe that all who are faithful to God will have one of their own in the eternities.  However, I also believe that in Heaven there will be some great friendships and loving associations between members of the same gender.  One of my friends described it as celestial brotherhood.  I believe homosexuality, when utilized within the bounds the Lord has set, is a glimpse of what that celestial brotherhood will look like.  With that perspective, how can I possibly think of the whole realm of homosexuality being sinful?

Now, there is a chance that I'm way off track with this.  It's very possible that homosexuality is nothing more than a trial to be endured or a weakness to be overcome.  I don't have it all figured out yet.  Other gay people don't have it all figured out.  Gay men who have married women don't have it all figured out.  Prophets and apostles, although they have a bigger view than we do, and it would be in our best interest to follow them, they don't have homosexuality figured out.  Therefore, I don't see why anyone else would have it all figured out either.  I love having prophets and apostles.  I feel safe and at peace when I heed their counsel.  I feel like they, along with many of us, are continually learning about this "complex reality" (mormonsandgays.org).  Elder Ballard, in the October 2014 General Conference, compared Zion to a boat, where by following the prophets, we "stay in it and hold on!"  I believe in this, and there are many in the gay community who believe this as well.  I invite you to visit our corner of the boat every once in a while and learn with us.

Words of the Prophets

I recently had the opportunity to read a blog post about celibate gay Christians.  While most of the article rang true to me, there was one phrase that sounded like a perfect description: “Celibate gay Christians often find themselves trying to translate one side for the other.”  Many of us find ourselves caught in between two extremes who do not understand each other and who do not understand the middle.

I’ve seen this disparity within the LDS Church as well.  I’ve come to realize that there are many who still don’t know where the Church stands on homosexuality.  Some on one side would believe that the Church is all gung-ho about the oppression of the gays and that we’ll stop at nothing to “force” everyone to live the way we do.  Others on the complete opposite end believe that being gay/same-sex attracted is a sin and it needs to be overcome.  It is even more disheartening to hear of Church members criticizing Church leaders for trying to extend compassion or provide such resources as mormonsandgays.org. 

I’ve been throwing around the idea of compiling a few quotes from General Authorities and other Church resources.  Note: I know that some people are bothered by terminology.  Some people hate using the term “gay”, as if it’s an all-encompassing identity referring only to those in same-sex relationships.  Others detest the term “same-sex attraction,” because it sounds like an illness, disorder or some sort of everlasting struggle (but really, a lot of people struggle with opposite-sex attraction too!).  In this blog, they are all synonyms.  Gay, lesbian and same-sex attracted are all interchangeable.  So please, substitute whatever descriptive term you’d like.

“The experience of same-sex attraction is a complex reality for many people. The attraction itself is not a sin, but acting on it is. Even though individuals do not choose to have such attractions, they do choose how to respond to them. With love and understanding, the Church reaches out to all God’s children, including our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters.” – Mormonsandgays.org

 “Some people with same-gender attraction have felt rejected because members of the Church did not always show love. No member of the Church should ever be intolerant. As you show love and kindness to others, you give them an opportunity to change their attitudes and follow Christ more fully.” – God Loveth His Children

“Of special concern to us should be those who struggle with [or experience] same-sex attraction. It is a whirlwind of enormous velocity. I want to express my love and admiration for those who courageously confront this trial of faith and stay true to the commandments of God! But everyone, independent of his or her decisions and beliefs, deserves our kindness and consideration.” – Elder Neil L. Andersen, “Spiritual Whirlwinds,” Ensign, May 2014

“I emphasize this, I wish to say that our opposition to attempts to legalize same-sex marriage should never be interpreted as justification for hatred, intolerance, or abuse of those who profess homosexual tendencies, either individually or as a group. As I said from this pulpit one year ago, our hearts reach out to those who refer to themselves as gays and lesbians. We love and honor them as sons and daughters of God. They are welcome in the Church. It is expected, however, that they follow the same God-given rules of conduct that apply to everyone else, whether single or married.” – President Gordon B. Hinckley, “Why We Do Some of the Things We Do,” Ensign, November 1999

“There is no change in the Church’s position of what is morally right. But what is changing — and what needs to change — is to help Church members respond sensitively and thoughtfully when they encounter same-sex attraction in their own families, among other Church members, or elsewhere.” – Mormonsandgays.org

 “No one fully knows the root causes of same-sex attraction. Each experience is different. Latter-day Saints recognize the enormous complexity of this matter. We simply don’t have all the answers. Attraction to those of the same sex, however, should not be viewed as a disease or illness. We must not judge anyone for the feelings they experience. Members of the Church who have same-sex attractions, but don’t act on them, can continue to enjoy full fellowship in the church, which includes holding the priesthood, carrying out callings, and attending the temple. Unlike in times past, the Church does not necessarily advise those with same-sex attraction to marry those of the opposite sex. Same-sex attraction itself is not a sin, but yielding to it is. However, through repentance Jesus Christ will offer forgiveness.” – Mormonsandgays.org

“Though some people, including those resisting [or experiencing] same-sex attraction, may not have the opportunity to marry a person of the opposite sex in this life, a just God will provide them with ample opportunity to do so in the next. We can all live life in the full context of who we are, which is much broader than sexual attraction.” – Mormonsandgays.org

 “A number of Latter-day Saints with same-gender attraction are moving forward with their lives by carefully adhering to gospel standards, staying close to the Lord, and obtaining ecclesiastical and professional help when needed. Their lives are rich and satisfying, and they can be assured that all the blessings of eternal life will ultimately be theirs.” – God Loveth His Children

“Ours is often a hidden conflict for fear of being seen as “deviants” who have chosen these attractions. For most Latter-day Saints who struggle with this challenge, nothing could be further from the truth. As one author has written: “Why would someone who has a strong conviction of the divine origins of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints choose to engage in a wrenching conflict with that testimony … ? Same-sex desires create a very difficult challenge for Church members and are seldom chosen. The trial befalls even the valiant ones.” Our choice is in deciding whether to defy or succumb to temptation, not in whether to have the temptation itself.” – “Compassion for Those Who Struggle,” Ensign, 2004

“All of us have some feelings we did not choose, but the gospel of Jesus Christ teaches us that we still have the power to resist and reform our feelings (as needed) and to assure that they do not lead us to entertain inappropriate thoughts or to engage in sinful behavior” – Elder Dallin H. Oaks, “Same-Gender Attraction,” Ensign, October 1995

“As a church, nobody should be more loving and compassionate. Let us be at the forefront in terms of expressing love, compassion and outreach. Let’s not have families exclude or be disrespectful of those who choose a different lifestyle as a result of their feelings about their own gender." – Elder Quentin L. Cook, Mormonsandgays.org

There are many things I do not know.  I don’t know why the Brethren haven’t shared “Mormons and Gays” on a wider level.  I can guess, and I believe it may have something to do with the protection of church members in countries who are violently hostile towards gays, let alone Christians.  Or perhaps it is simply because Church membership is not ready.  I don’t know why the counsel regarding homosexuality was much harsher in the past.  I don’t know why God didn’t just tell earlier prophets that same-sex attraction would be a reality for some members of the Church.  However, I am very pleased with the understanding of our modern-day prophets.  I believe this is something we are all learning about together.

A sister from my old ward said something akin to this: “If we expect to be a part of the gathering of Israel in the Last Days, then we will need to welcome those who may fall outside the cultural Mormon mold.”  In my book, that may include same-sex couples, males who have transitioned to females and vice versa, those who visibly struggle with substance abuse or sex addiction, those who have been through the realities of divorce.  And really, everyone who goes to church deals with their own trials and temptations.

I share these thoughts in hopes to play a small part in the gathering of Israel.  I do not wish for any changes to what God has already declared, but when it comes to culture, I echo the words of Elder Cook, “As a church, nobody should be more loving and compassionate.”

In Holy Places (Part II)

Just about every trip to the temple is a special experience for me.  Sometimes I just feel good, and other times I learn something rather specific about my life or about spiritual principles in general.  I just wanted to share one of those experiences.  I had hoped to include it in my last post, In Holy Places, but I couldn't figure out a way to tie it in, so consider this an appendix. 

A few months ago, I attended the temple with some friends from my group (I mean, it doesn't get much better than having a bunch of homosexuals serving in the temple together)!  Anyway, now to the important part.  Much of what we do in the temple revolves around the family, the most prominent being the sealing of families together for time and eternity.  Marriage for me is still a huge question mark.  However, during this trip in particular, I still felt an immense sense of belonging as a single guy.  I was at home.  God had a place for me in His Church.

We sat in the Celestial Room for a few minutes (and we had no qualms with fitting more people on the couch than it was probably meant to seat).  I remember looking at a young married couple sitting near us enjoying a quiet moment together.  If I tried hard enough, I probably could have worked up some feelings of bitterness or jealousy, but I couldn't.  I could only see them as my brother and sister and be happy for them.  I knew that one day I would have what they have.

This is just one of many experiences at the temple, and some are too personal to share.  I know that the temple is truly the House of the Lord.  I know that there is great power in the covenants we make and the blessings we receive.  I am grateful for the opportunity to be reminded of them as I go back on behalf of others who have passed on.  It is my hope that all, no matter where they currently are in life, will make it a goal to receive a temple recommend (I highly recommend it), and attend the temple often.

In Holy Places

I have been thinking about the different "voices" I hear from day to day from different sources and in different places.  When I say "voices," I mean thoughts, feelings, talks that I hear, stories in the news, things people say, temptations, etc.  Many of us are familiar with a couple scriptures from the book of 1 Kings in the Old Testament:

"11 ...And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake:

 12 And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice."

I understood this concept, and I sang several songs about it in Primary, but I don't think I've applied it as much as I do now in the 21st century.  It is not surprising that "the world" has grown further and further away from God and religion in general.  Likewise, there are stark contrasts in the voices that I hear.  Some are still and small, and some are rather loud and obnoxious.

The still small voices are the ones I hear when I am in holy places.  My favorite holy place is the temple.  Aside from doing ordinance work for the dead, it is a great place for me to be close to God and to receive personal revelation.  While I'm there, I hear voices that remind me of my eternal identity as a son of God.  They tell me that I am loved and valued and that I am at home.  They remind me that everyone is a child of God and that I need to treat them as such.  I receive further strength and resolve to keep the commandments and follow the prophet.  On that note, I don't have all the answers, and if I did, there wouldn't be much reason to return to the temple.  Spiritual learning needs to be accompanied by patience and faith, "line upon line, precept upon precept" (Doctrine and Covenants 98:12).

Many people may come upon a time where they are not able to attend the temple because of worthiness or distance.  The Lord still desires to bless us, and we can find or make holy places elsewhere.  The first one that comes to my mind is the home.  I try to make my home a place where the Spirit can reside.  This is done through daily scripture study and prayer, self control and being in charge of what comes into my home.  Prophets and apostles have continuously discussed the power of a Christ-centered home.

There are other places where we can feel and hear voices that bring us closer to Christ.  I have found that church, institute, General Conference, my parents' and relatives' homes, nature, and even the company of good, uplifting friends can all be holy places.  The voices that I hear in these places can be very powerful, but I still consider them to be "still and small".

I remember talking to one of my friends at the North Star conference held earlier this year.  We were reminiscing about the powerful spiritual experiences we had had, and we were half-way dreading the thought of having to go out and face the world again.  This brings me to the other voices that I hear almost on a daily basis.  They are loud, easy to access and easy to believe ("If you don't believe me, go and watch the news..."*).  They are the voices that tell me that I am not worthy of God's love.  They tell me to be perfectionistic about my weight, about my body image, about a clean home, about my job, about my singing, and about what I "should" be doing.  They tell me that I need to leave my faith behind, or even parts of it, to bow down to something I know is wrong.  They tell me that I am judgmental, old fashioned and even homophobic.  They tell me I need to isolate myself or refrain from talking about things of God.  I could go on.

I am grateful for the ability to remember.  When I approach these "worldly" voices, the Holy Ghost encourages me to remember what I felt in the temple.  He encourages me to remember the simple truths discussed at institute or at church.  In other words, "stand ye in holy places," and remember those holy places (Doctrine and Covenants 87:8).  I am certainly not immune to the consequences of my own mistakes and those of others.  I am not immune to the pain, agony, disappointment and sadness that I feel when I see what goes on around me.  However, knowing that God is in charge makes all the difference.

*Children's Songbook, pg. 110

North Star Conference, 2014

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to attend the first annual North Star Conference.  North Star is a growing support organization that ministers to those who experience same-sex attraction and who sincerely desire to live within the teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  There is also an increasing amount of resources for those who experience gender dysphoria (transgender).  Just like same-sex attraction, transgender feelings are real, and those who experience them deserve the same amount of sensitivity and respect.  For more information on North Star (and possibly a more accurate description), click here.

The theme of this conference was "At Home in the Gospel of Christ."  Overall, the purpose was to help individuals accept and become comfortable with themselves, as well as feel welcomed and needed in the Church.  It consisted of guest speakers, two large luncheons, a concert with the a capella group, Eclipse, access to other resources and breakout sessions for SSA men, SSA women, transgendered individuals, family members and church leaders. My favorite part of the weekend was seeing all the people.  It was inspiring to see so many come out of the woodwork (pun somewhat intended), some for the very first time, in search of brotherhood, sisterhood and a sense of belonging within their faith.  I saw some friends that I usually pal around with at these functions, but I also met some new friends.  Some were from across the country, and others were from as far away as Australia (yeah...gay Mormons are taking over the world)!  I even ran into someone I knew from outside of the group, who is transgender.

Something that stuck out to me was from a talk given by Sister Camille Fronk Olson, professor of ancient scripture at BYU.  She was discussing the value of diversity among Latter-day Saints.  She made reference to 3 Nephi 18:18:
  
"Behold, verily, verily, I say unto you, ye must watch and pray always lest ye enter into temptation; for Satan desireth to have you, that he may sift you as wheat."

She described the process of sifting wheat, separating it and making it all the same.  Think about it...Satan would want to SEPARATE us and make us all the SAME!  To me, that was profound on so many levels.  I'll leave it to you to let that marinate and apply it to stuff currently going on in the world.

In contrast, she talked about how the Salt Lake Temple was built with varying sizes of granite blocks, making it a stronger structure.  There are many, both in and out of the Church, who believe that Mormons have to all be the same, that we should all fit into a mold, that we all have to be married, returned missionaries, have children, look pretty, be thin, have a good singing voice, and/or be heterosexual.  The truth is...the gospel can bless all individuals and families.  We strive for and make the same covenants and keep the same commandments.  With the appropriate eternal perspective, we do strive to be worthy of living in an eternal family consisting of a husband, wife and children.  But these things do not take away from anyone's uniqueness and individuality.  Some may be required to adjust opinions and lifestyles, but everyone would still have unique talents and perspectives to help build the kingdom of God.  Diversity strengthens the Church.

My other favorite part of the conference was mingling.  I felt like I could be my complete self...exchanging genuine, warm hugs, discussing eternal principles and gospel truths, flirting (well...I call it flirting) and making random gay jokes all in good fun.

As with most Church functions, we had opposition (North Star isn't affiliated with the Church, but still...).  I can't address all the statements that were made against us, but I can vent.  One common belief is that we detest the word "gay," or that we have to view same-sex attraction as a constant struggle.  Some believe that we are trying to convince our SSA members that they can't be themselves or that they have to deny their sexuality.  On the contrary, this conference was full of people who actually wanted to be there, and who were sincerely trying to find out how to reconcile these mortal experiences with their faith.  We do not believe it is healthy to pretend to be straight or struggle/experience these issues in silence.

Personally, I believe that there are many aspects of being gay that are divine gifts from God, such as brotherhood, sisterhood, intimate non-sexual physical affection, and a general sense of love for all.  I know that God loves all of His children, and desires that we return to Him.  I have a testimony of eternity, that this life is but a short test and that all blessings can be ours as we are faithful to the commandments of God.

Thoughts on "Mawage"

I thought I'd just use this as a catchy title as opposed to the usual, but yes, this post is about same-sex marriage.

Not all members of the Church agree on this, and not even all gay members do either!  But I figured, since I am both gay and LDS, I might as well offer my perspective and hope that it helps someone gain a better understanding (or maybe it will make someone mad, but that's OK).

Ever since same-sex marriage became more of a reality here in Utah back in December of 2013, when it was legalized for a few days, it has been on my mind just about every day (call me obsessive).  As can be expected, the Church issued several statements on it.  I understood and knew that sexual relations outside of marriage between a man and a woman was wrong.  I understood (or so I thought) A Proclamation to the World and that it was...to the world and not just The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I also understood that we try to respect those who believe differently.  In fact, it is one of our Articles of Faith: "...let them worship how, where or what they may."  Therefore, I began to wonder, "why are we being so vocal about this, and why did Utah appeal?  As a matter of fact, why are several other governments and organizations taking a stand against same-sex marriage?"

Since I sustain the Brethren, I knew that this was all probably for a good reason; however, I was very conflicted for a few days.  I wanted to know why.  I prayed for peace and closure.  My prayers were answered rather quickly.  Upon reading The Family: A Proclamation to the World, the following paragraph struck me rather strongly:

"We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets."

This is either true, or it is not.  I believe it is true, and that is why I cannot, in my right mind, support same-sex marriage.  Even if I did support it, I wouldn't deny the words of prophets.  This statement is much more basic and easier for me to understand than nit-picking about civil rights, about how homosexual marriage somehow affects someone else' heterosexual marriage (which I do not believe), about how "love is love," etc.  Either the family, as organized by God, is the fundamental unit of society or it is not.

Now, do I believe that gay people should be allowed to have rights as human beings?  Of course, and that is largely already true!  Do I believe that gay people who choose to be in same-sex relationships deserve rights that we generally associate with marriage?  Of course!  Do I believe that God loves gay people?  YES!  Do I believe that because He loves us, we can do what we want and have it all be OK?  No.  Furthermore, do I believe that He would want us changing an institution that He has already ordained and defined?  No.

This isn't to say that homosexuals are ruining the world.  That's a very closed-minded way of looking at it.  We don't have to look far to see that the family, as a central part of our society, has been under attack for ages with issues such as abuse, no-fault divorce, infidelity, sex outside of marriage (homo or hetero), abortion, etc.  I realize that people die, and that divorce is what is needed in some circumstances, but I've heard messages actually promoting single-parenthood, like it is something desirable and better than raising children in a (healthy) marriage relationship.  The legalization of same-sex marriage just furthers the process of breaking down the family.

Who knows what the "calamities" will be?  I do not believe that we will all be struck by lightning or buried in the earth.  I believe that it will be a gradual decline from the inside out, just like other civilizations that have passed away.

I realize that those who have different beliefs will not agree with me, and that's OK.  I love you.  This is just how I came to my conclusions, and it makes sense to me.

Now, on a more personal note, I do wonder about those who are active and believing Latter-day Saints, and also support same-sex marriage.  It kind of feels like I'm being worked against by members of my own faith.  I do not judge them for it.  With the understanding that we currently have, I don't believe that there would be personal worthiness issues or hellfire and damnation (as some people think).  I just know that if it were me, I would have a hard time reconciling it with my temple covenants.  And when it would come time to defend my beliefs on the matter, would I throw them out?  Would I apologize for my beliefs?  When the Church and the world get further and further apart, what side would I choose?

In conclusion, please do not misunderstand me.  Please read my other posts.  I LOVE gay people.  I know what it's like.  In fact, I'd probably attend a gay wedding if I were invited.  I have no doubt that it is possible to fall in love with someone of the same sex.  Who knows?  Maybe I've fallen in love several times.  That love can actually be very beautiful when it is kept within the bounds the Lord has set (not talking about romantic/sexual relationships here).  With that being said, I know that marriage and family have been ordained by God (just as much as I know that I'm attracted to guys).  I know that in the end, most of us will be amazed at the mercy that will come through Jesus Christ...I'm just concerned about our society while we are all still living in this world.