Anyway, those who know Once Upon a Time might be familiar with the concept of a Savior. That might sound either sacrilegious or highly symbolic (just think of Aslan in C.S. Lewis' The Chronicles of Narnia). A Savior is one who, naturally, saves people, whether from a curse, poverty or captivity. Emma Swan is "the Savior" in this series. In an episode I watched yesterday, while talking to Aladdin (a former Savior), she made reference to the burden of being the Savior. Coming with this responsibility is a great capacity for good. However, there is also a great capacity for evil (which Emma wrestles with and eventually conquers).This is like unto the burden of being gay. It can be a trust and a responsibility. A burden doesn't mean it's a negative quality, just bear with me. There's great capacity for good, much of which I believe we still have yet to work with. There's also a great capacity for evil. However, I'm not referring to sexual sin here. Even more grievous than that are the self-defeating thoughts that Satan tries to plant in us. They're the thoughts that try to get us to forget who we are and the unique gifts and abilities in which we have been entrusted. They're the thoughts that try to get us to believe that not only our feelings but that our very beings are unpleasing to God.
These messages don't come from "the world," per se. They sneak into our messages at church. I don't believe the Brethren mean to shame anyone. But in a marriage culture (which I understand is more than just "culture"), it is very easy to feel shame: shame because those attractions are still there, shame because we feel like we should feel differently, shame because we're just not interested in actively pursuing an eternal companion, shame because we still have feelings of lust...and viewing it only as lust, and that it's somehow worse than heterosexual lust (I don't know...do "straight" people deal with lust on a regular basis?).
It's one thing to be accepted by other people, but self-acceptance is the key. Satan works overtime on trying to get me to reject myself. I feel closer to God when I grow closer to myself. It's not a matter of viewing myself as a son of God in spite of my sexuality...it means embracing and loving that part of myself too. It's a lesson that comes around over and over and over again. It doesn't make it any easier to hear same-sex attraction constantly viewed through a lens of being a struggle or a weakness, or something that's just going to be fixed in the next life. That can make things worse.
I've alluded to this before, but it's much more bearable to believe that there is something divine in the affections I have, that there is some purpose in them that can bless my life and the lives of others. I treasure the infrequent, but powerful reminders to "just let love flow"...and stop worrying so much about sex!!!
(SPOILER ALERT!!!) I love the story of Regina, the Evil Queen in Once Upon a Time. Through the love and patience of her son, she learns how to love. She learns how to use her powers for good. At one of the most powerful moments of the series, she learns to love and forgive herself. She doesn't extinguish or demean her abilities, but she redirects them and blesses the lives of many. Such is what can happen with each of us through the bearing and purifying of our burdens.
