If You Wanna Be My Ally…

 Sorry, I don’t have a parody of the Spice Girls’ “If You Wanna Be My Lover,” but that would be fun. 

The “ally” term usually causes me to recoil (and of course, there’s usually someone who loves to jump in and say that my recoiling is a sign of my internalized homophobia and oppression and add to that all the other -ists and -phobics). 

On the topic of women in engineering, someone asked me, “Do you think women should be able to work in engineering?” 

“Yes, of course.”

“Well then you’d be an ally.”

How about just normal? Or maybe I can’t be a true “ally” if I’m not actively advocating for gender equality or parity at work. I’m suddenly “part of the problem.” But yeah, it just doesn’t always jive with me. As one of my favorite YouTubers says, “some people have allies. I have friends.”

Understand that several LGBT people have traditional views on marriage and sexual behavior…in that marriage was ultimately ordained to be between a man and a woman and a major part of it is to lend towards children having a mother and father wherever possible. Even some people in same-sex relationships still herald the union of a man and a woman and the potential for children as a fundamental unit of society. 

That being said, we still have needs that are tricky to meet within that context. But it’s necessary and I’m still figuring that out. 

Also understand that several of us believe in biological sex and that there are two sexes/genders. I personally think gender dysphoria exists, but I think something else is happening. Some of us would like a separation between LGB and everything that comes after in the acronym. They’re different things. 

Understand that some of us view modern-day Pride as not only “not for us,” but divisive and has the potential to increase anti-gay sentiment. I believe there is a Marxist effort called “queer theory” that seeks to challenge and dismantle anything that is considered to be “normal.” A gay couple living in harmony in their largely Christian neighborhood is a queer Marxist’s worst nightmare. The division and victimhood mentality is intentional. 

Some LGB people are conservative. Some are Trump supporters (yes, I know the nuance and confusion there, but I believe it’s largely fear mongering and ideological warfare to characterize him as a racist sexist homophobe. Being a narcissistic figure who potentially tried overturning an election does not a racist, sexist homophobe make). I often feel like the assumption is leftism, and that if you “Love your LGBT friends and family? Then you MUST vote for democrats…(and typically the ones who are illiberal).” For me it’s a special kind of weird, “in between” feeling to be gay and conservative. If there’s anything I’d want an “ally” for, it’s being able to explain the case for Trump (or if not, the conservative cases on a lot of social issues) better than I can. 

Similar to striving to keep covenants in the Church, or if I’m not in lockstep or mostly in agreement with the left’s approach to LGBT, etc. (mostly the T, etc…) then there’s no use talking to me or being concerned for those who are more orthodox or conservative. What about those who actually like or at least understand President Oaks’ teaching about the family unit, or Elder Holland’s BYU talk, “The Second Half of the Century at BYU?” I mean we must have it all made and have it all together, right? (Not really)

On a similar but lighter note, just know that I see a plain rainbow flag as political. This is why I believe I should be able to add something like MAGA or Let‘s Go Brandon (conveniently LGB) to a rainbow, wherever plain rainbows are present, and have it be ok. 

I hear about “allyship” all the time. And I know there are ideologies that demand ideological conformity. Or if you’re an “ally” then you’re on the political left and support almost anything that gets put forward under the LGBT, etc. umbrella. I’ve even gotten vibes of personal pride and self-righteousness (virtue signaling) from some people claiming to be “LGBT allies.” Some of it is genuine concern. I just think the multiplicity of ideas can allow for people who go about doing good in quiet, natural and “normal” ways. As in…you don’t need to make any sort of pledge, wave a flag or brand yourself as an “ally” in order to be a decent person. I know. I know…I’m from a more recent generation where such things haven’t been desperately needed as in the past. But it seems like integration and acceptance would lead to less gay rainbows; not more…or at least greater understanding for heterodox beliefs and feelings surrounding Pride, social justice narratives, “allyship” etc. 

Unless…of course…some forces do NOT want harmony and will continue to prey on and stir up anger in somewhat marginalized groups in society, gradually eroding our commonalities and ties as human beings and individuals. Perhaps I’m being hypocritical in saying that I want distinctions and separations in the LGBT, etc umbrella while hoping for a return to unity in Christ, covenant belonging, and/or unity in national belonging, whatever country we live in. Plus…I also have been leaning more into and understanding my sexuality as a “way of being,” if not a type of “identity”…even as I have a stance leaning away from identity politics. But in my head it makes sense…