When I say “I see myself,” it doesn’t imply that I plan on marrying (a woman) any time soon. Nor does it mean I plan on being “uncoupled” or alone all my life. It's the spirit of truth and understanding that I feel when I read it that tells me that I belong. I guess for right now that's all I need. I’ve written something that I hope I can get published somewhere…just an article…about my experiences with and testimony of The Family: A Proclamation to the World. The following is more of an abstract...
Two things stand out strongly for me (among several other gems that resonate with me).
Firstly, just by being a divine son of God, I know that I belong. “All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny.” With the help of therapists, family and church leaders, a lot of this rests on *me believing it.* Others who may not believe it or don’t treat me as such probably have issues of their own that need attention and kindness.
Secondly, and more controversial, the Spirit that I feel God has granted me when I read about the ideals of family life also helps me know I belong. My own path and desires aren’t specifically delineated. But that doesn’t mean I’m somehow “less than," and I don't believe the Church teaches anything of the sort.
The standards around the sacred powers of procreation and the definition of marriage seem pretty solid to me. I don’t feel like I’m in the business of finding loopholes around those. Yes, some might view my ideas around celibate partnership and coming to appreciate and enjoy my feelings about men as a “loophole” or “living on the edge,” but I don’t feel that way.
I remember distinct feelings and suppositions about the *fundamental nature* of the nuclear family in society as a whole. “Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.” This helped me see that although it doesn’t happen in all situations, by birthright, children are deserving of a father and a mother. I remember quoting this during a breakfast with someone I knew from "the LGBT community." This person almost interrupted and said, "children deserve parents." I mean who wouldn't agree? I want the best for the children of same-sex parents, but it doesn't mean I don't think there are traits inherent to having a mother and a father.
There's also a warning that really stuck out to me at a time when I needed clarification: “…we warn that the disintegration of
the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities
foretold by ancient and modern prophets.”
Furthermore, there was an important plea: “We call upon responsible
citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures
designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of
society.”
Some activists have told me that "the traditional family is fine...we're just advocating for those who are different." As well intentioned as that is, I believe it's easy to be blinded by adversarial forces. I think there is something bigger at play than those of us who don't happen to have a nuclear family of our own.
It’s not as much “less than ideal” circumstances just by virtue of being part of this world (which still might be ideal for God’s classroom), but intentional forces undermining the influence of both a mother and a father in a home founded upon the principles in the Proclamation...the blatant promotion of fatherlessness or turning the education of children completely over to the state. I won’t get into it, but I see the “confusion of gender” President Oaks recently spoke about. I know the transgender situation is real and sensitive, but I won't deny that I feel like some dangerous precedents are being proposed and/or set. I can't say I know all the answers, but I never thought I'd see a day when we need to reaffirm the realities of biological sex and gender (I used to separate those, but I'm putting them in a very similar light now).
I’m not going to discount the evolution of marriage and gender and their potential damages to society, but the undermining of the family could also be rifts and divides about family members who might currently live different, and the attitudes of either or both parties along that difference in belief. Family unity and love is still important.I don’t know how to speak to all the different winding roads people take in reference to family situations. I know several people who have needed same-sex partners in their lives at some point and have grown from their experiences. President Oaks did mention at one point that personal revelation and navigation will be different across different people, but it doesn’t reflect the official doctrine of the Church (it’s not an “official doctrine” that gay sex and marriage is in the “individual adaptation” portion of the Proclamation, in my opinion…).
I might not be assisting in bearing children and I might not marry. I might even have a boyfriend (or twenty) at some point. But it doesn’t mean I don’t see what is happening in society. And I don’t think the disintegration of the family is all about “this is the path God wants me on.” I do believe confusion and evil forces exist.
...I have a draft that focuses more on the peace I feel in reference to belonging in God's kingdom. Perhaps I'll include that in another post...sometime...
