Greet One Another with an Holy Kiss

Moreover he kissed all his brethren, and wept upon them: and after that his brethren talked with him.
     -Genesis 45:15

And Esau ran to meet him, and embraced him, and fell on his neck, and kissed him: and they wept.
     -Genesis 33:4

And the Lord said unto Enoch: Then shalt thou and all thy city meet them there, and we will receive them into our bosom, and they shall see us; and we will fall upon their necks, and they shall fall upon our necks, and we will kiss each other;
     -Moses 7:63

And as soon as the lad was gone, David arose out of a place toward the south, and fell on his face to the ground, and bowed himself three times: and they kissed one another, and wept one with another, until David exceeded.
     -1 Samuel 20:41 (David and Jonathan)

And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. 
     -Luke 15:20 (The Prodigal Son)

These are just a few examples in the scriptures of men kissing one another.  What has happened to our society?  This can either be a gay post, or simply a post about how all men were meant to relate to one another.  This isn't a comprehensive examination or "study" of male affection.  This is just my perspective, shared by many I've come in contact with.  Anyway, I reckon we have many problems in our society as a result of the separation of men from one another physically in addition to being emotionally stifled.  In 2nd Timothy, we read:

For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good... (vs.  2-4)

I'd like to focus on the phrase, "without natural affection."  In an attempt to condemn homosexuality, many pull this scripture out of their pockets.  However, a friend of mine pointed out another possibility about this scripture.  It could read, "Men shall be...without natural affection...for each other," meaning that the love and affection men are supposed to have for one another has waxed cold.  

We talk about hugs and arms around shoulders, but what about kisses?  Before a certain, arbitrary age, children, both boys and girls are kissed all the time.  As my mother sometimes says about little babies, "Oh, I want to suck her cheeks!"  From the scriptures above, the most prominent for me are those of David and Jonathan and The Prodigal Son.  One account is of two friends, and the other is of a father and his long lost son.

"But Alex!  Those kisses weren't sexual!"
"They didn't have SSA!"
"Kisses meant something different back then!"

OK...how do we know that the feelings they had for each other back then don't match many of the aspects of today's "same-sex attraction?"  I hear talk of how "homosexuality" wasn't even considered a thing in the early 1900s and earlier.  Men shared beds, took photos together and were very close.

In her book, Gay and Catholic, Eve Tushnet talks about how almost every sign of affection is automatically suspect when it comes from a gay person, especially if it's between two gay people!  There are policies in place at Brigham Young University and issues of "bishop roulette" that suggest that same-sex attraction makes us somehow more prone to sexual activity or temptation.  To illustrate bishop roulette, I know of a friend whose bishop forbade him from putting his arm around his friends, laying his head on his friends' shoulders, and (I think) giving hugs.  In cases of a man and a woman, this bishop celebrated it.  In cases of two men, he considered it inappropriate.  Fast forward to today, this same friend of mine is now in a different stake and has been asked to give a talk in Stake Conference about being gay and a Latter-day Saint.

So in some cases, gay people are forbidden from same-sex affection when in reality, they probably need it the most and in many circumstances, it helps them stay away from behaviors that are damaging.

In some discussions I've had, caution is always mentioned.  It's good to be cautious.  Yet I feel like there's so much focus and obsession on what to stay away from that we don't know what to actually do.  President Boyd K. Packer himself said, "Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior.  That is why we stress so forcefully the doctrines of the gospel."  This has affected me in a way that I feel guilty when I snuggle with my friends.  I feel like I'm being rebellious or f-ing society when I give my brothers a kiss or hold hands with them, especially in public (the f-ing society part is probably more accurate).

(Sidetrack: A couple weeks ago, a few friends and I went on a trip to Las Vegas a couple weeks ago to see Celine Dion and explore the Strip.  It's hard not to notice the men giving out tickets or brochures to strip clubs and other pornographic ventures.  However, on our way back to the car, we decided to hold hands.  It was Vegas, after all.  But the funny part is that these people didn't bother us when we were holding hands: It's probably somewhere along the lines of, "Oh, they're gay, they don't want to look at boobs.")

When I kiss my friends on the cheek, it's not because I want to have sex with them.  In some cases it doesn't even mean that I'm sexually attracted to them.  It's simply because I love them.  I love them on a spiritual level.  Perhaps it can be compared to children and babies...they're so cute and adorable and I just want to kiss their cheeks (which is now a whole other sexual taboo in our society)!  I know what is too sexual for me.  I know what my boundaries are.  They are not what society has placed upon me, they are the difference between what is life-giving and what is destructive.  Perhaps only I (or any one individual) am responsible to discern this for myself.  I can't define someone else' boundaries for them.

I hope we can bring back brotherly affection like no other time in history.  It's fairly clear that our prophet, Russell M. Nelson is urging us to prepare for a second coming of the Savior and that there is much that remains to be restored.  I daresay that a restoration of friendship and brotherhood is part of that.  Speaking of President Nelson, I had a stake president who is his son in-law.  I learned that not too long ago, President Nelson gave each of his sons in-law kisses whenever he would see them.  I've noticed some of this among the Brethren as they greet each other during General Conference.  Let's follow their example, as well as that of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Finally, brethren, farewell. Be perfect, be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace shall be with you.  Greet one another with an holy kiss.

     -2 Corinthians 13:11-12

Ambiguity: Differences in Belief

As I've gone along in my journey, various people have come in and out of my life.  I know people who were once out of the Church or are now back in.  I know people who were once in same-sex relationships who are now single or married to someone of the opposite sex (a gay man and a gay woman in some circumstances!).  I know people who were once in a mixed-orientation marriage who are now in same-sex relationships or marriages.  I know people who are all across the board spiritually, theologically and politically.  There are heterosexual members of the Church who staunchly support same-sex marriage and all that is involved with that, and there are homosexual members and others who are staunchly opposed.  To say that I enjoy all this diversity would be a tremendous overstatement.  Some aspects of it frustrate me quite a bit.  But there are a few I simply mesh with, even if we don't see eye to eye.

Let me detract for a second.  I understand this is a sensitive topic.  When the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints clarified/changed the policy on same-sex marriage being an act of apostasy, it took many by complete surprise.  Many wondered why getting married as monogamous, same-sex spouses (or as I like to say...spice :) ) would be grounds for excommunication and apostasy.  Considering my own choices, pondering and study, it didn't phase me too much.  The part about children of same-sex couples, however, was a little harder to reconcile, but it stretched my faith in understanding that Heavenly Father knows all His children perfectly and will compensate in kind.

Now, back on track...I've had the blessing of corresponding with a few friends who are currently making different choices that I am.  In fact, I've seem many of my friends pair off and many of them become engaged.  I go through a variety of emotions, but that has been and could be a whole other post.  As mentioned in this post, I've been somewhat curious as to why the only options seem to be (1) loneliness and isolation or (2) marriage and sex.  A couple people have shared with me their perspective and rationale.  I was able to have these conversations because they understood where I was coming from, had respect for my beliefs, and likewise, I was able to do so for them.  We were able to exchange lenses, so to speak.

In short, they felt like marrying their partner was the more moral and right thing to do than to cohabitate or otherwise "just be partners" (I put that in "" for my sake).  This helps me see why so many were shocked with the Church's policy.  They earnestly felt that marrying would be deemed more appropriate, not less, than being partners otherwise, sexual or not.  I can totally understand where they are coming from.  There are some questions that I don't have the answers to either.  Wouldn't it be better for a child's same-sex parents to be married?  Wouldn't being married be better than being sexual without being married?  It would certainly be better to be in a monogamous relationship or marriage instead of being promiscuous, right?  And yet the Church doesn't seem to see it that way.

I remember one exchange in particular where I felt supportive and understanding of a friend, feeling his excitement along with him of his upcoming marriage...while simultaneously understanding that I had perspectives that were nearly the opposite.  I've had my own ponderings and beliefs in conjunction with Church doctrine and policy.  In no way does this mean I have all the answers or that I understand everything.  But for me, if marriage between a man and a woman and its attachment to procreation is something so sacred...I can understand why same-sex marriage would be on the opposite end of the spectrum.  I've heard of a few (admittedly, not many) same-sex couples who believe marriage was meant for a man and a woman in relation to the potential of bearing and rearing children.  Of course men and women marry when they can't or choose not to have kids, yet it preserves that kind of marriage culture.

I sometimes feel that, even if I were in a sexual relationship with a man...actually entering marriage would be like another step of apostasy.  It's what makes sense to me, in light of a lot.  I say that still not "knowing."  It's just what I've pieced together and how I feel.

It's an odd thing to live in ambiguity; still holding to my own beliefs about marriage, yet gradually arriving at peace with the beliefs and choices of others.  It's a reflection of the lives of many who live in this world, especially at the intersection of homosexuality and religion.  Oh well.  It is what it is.