As I've gone along in my journey, various people have come in and out of my life. I know people who were once out of the Church or are now back in. I know people who were once in same-sex relationships who are now single or married to someone of the opposite sex (a gay man and a gay woman in some circumstances!). I know people who were once in a mixed-orientation marriage who are now in same-sex relationships or marriages. I know people who are all across the board spiritually, theologically and politically. There are heterosexual members of the Church who staunchly support same-sex marriage and all that is involved with that, and there are homosexual members and others who are staunchly opposed. To say that I enjoy all this diversity would be a tremendous overstatement. Some aspects of it frustrate me quite a bit. But there are a few I simply mesh with, even if we don't see eye to eye.
Let me detract for a second. I understand this is a sensitive topic. When the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints clarified/changed the policy on same-sex marriage being an act of apostasy, it took many by complete surprise. Many wondered why getting married as monogamous, same-sex spouses (or as I like to say...spice :) ) would be grounds for excommunication and apostasy. Considering my own choices, pondering and study, it didn't phase me too much. The part about children of same-sex couples, however, was a little harder to reconcile, but it stretched my faith in understanding that Heavenly Father knows all His children perfectly and will compensate in kind.
Now, back on track...I've had the blessing of corresponding with a few friends who are currently making different choices that I am. In fact, I've seem many of my friends pair off and many of them become engaged. I go through a variety of emotions, but that has been and could be a whole other post. As mentioned in this post, I've been somewhat curious as to why the only options seem to be (1) loneliness and isolation or (2) marriage and sex. A couple people have shared with me their perspective and rationale. I was able to have these conversations because they understood where I was coming from, had respect for my beliefs, and likewise, I was able to do so for them. We were able to exchange lenses, so to speak.
In short, they felt like marrying their partner was the more moral and right thing to do than to cohabitate or otherwise "just be partners" (I put that in "" for my sake). This helps me see why so many were shocked with the Church's policy. They earnestly felt that marrying would be deemed more appropriate, not less, than being partners otherwise, sexual or not. I can totally understand where they are coming from. There are some questions that I don't have the answers to either. Wouldn't it be better for a child's same-sex parents to be married? Wouldn't being married be better than being sexual without being married? It would certainly be better to be in a monogamous relationship or marriage instead of being promiscuous, right? And yet the Church doesn't seem to see it that way.
I remember one exchange in particular where I felt supportive and understanding of a friend, feeling his excitement along with him of his upcoming marriage...while simultaneously understanding that I had perspectives that were nearly the opposite. I've had my own ponderings and beliefs in conjunction with Church doctrine and policy. In no way does this mean I have all the answers or that I understand everything. But for me, if marriage between a man and a woman and its attachment to procreation is something so sacred...I can understand why same-sex marriage would be on the opposite end of the spectrum. I've heard of a few (admittedly, not many) same-sex couples who believe marriage was meant for a man and a woman in relation to the potential of bearing and rearing children. Of course men and women marry when they can't or choose not to have kids, yet it preserves that kind of marriage culture.
I sometimes feel that, even if I were in a sexual relationship with a man...actually entering marriage would be like another step of apostasy. It's what makes sense to me, in light of a lot. I say that still not "knowing." It's just what I've pieced together and how I feel.
It's an odd thing to live in ambiguity; still holding to my own beliefs about marriage, yet gradually arriving at peace with the beliefs and choices of others. It's a reflection of the lives of many who live in this world, especially at the intersection of homosexuality and religion. Oh well. It is what it is.
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