Latter-day Pioneers - New Trails

Today marks the end of another weekend of Pioneer Day concerts with the Tabernacle Choir and the Orchestra at Temple Square.  This year, we had our very dear friend, Sissel, join us as our guest artist.  I was serving the Family and Church History mission at the time she came to perform at the Christmas concerts in 2006, before auditioning for the Choir was even on my radar.  The following year, I fell in love with the album as it was released.  She not only has the voice of an angel; she is an angel and carries a special spirit with her when she performs.

Typically, our summer concerts contain a few pioneer songs followed by a main program consisting usually of show tunes and other fun pieces reminiscent of the summer season.  However, this one stayed focused on the Pioneer spirit and on the goodness and grace of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  The messages of the songs and the spoken narration touched my heart in many ways.

While he was introducing the program, Lloyd Newel talked about the Pioneers, the persecution they faced, and their trek west to a new home in the Salt Lake valley.  Sissel talked about the prayers of the pioneers and the tribulation they went through.  She sang a beautiful and very well-received piece, "Slow Down," all about listening to the "still, small voice" that speaks to our hearts.  She also talked about pioneers who yearn for freedom, a new start and the chance to create something new.

In my social circles, it's common to hear about LGBT pioneers.  If you're rolling your eyes, don't worry.  I am too.  It's OK.  I get sick of some of the same old narrative.  Actually, at times I'm quite bitter with some voices out there.  I'll just be honest and put that out there.  However, I think it's a given to say that LGBT people, along with many others who are "different" have experienced hardship and mockery from multiple angles, similar to that of early Latter-day Saints.  I haven't experienced as much grief as others.  I started learning about myself at about the same time the Church started publishing more material on same-sex attraction.  Most of my negativity came from my own internalized messages.

At this weekend's concerts, some of the words spoken and lyrics sung had a direct relation to my experience.  I've felt a yearning to break free from many expectations, stereotypes, the "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts."  This applies to aspects of Christian culture as well as what now feels like "the LGBT script."  Either way, it means leaning less on the arm of flesh and more on God and my own heart.  Latter-day Saints and other Christians who are gay have an opportunity to press forward and create something new, especially within the context of sacred covenants.  It's an opportunity to forge new trails and build unique communities.  I don't quite know what that looks like.  Part of it, for me, includes a freedom of self-expression.

It's common to hear "don't act on it," in regards to same-sex attraction...kind of a black and white thing to say.  On the flip side, the black and white bleeds over into LGBT culture ("The Church won't let you love...won't let you be yourself...").  I've recently been made aware of the many ways I do act on or otherwise express my sexuality.  Exercising and taking care of my body can be an expression of my sexuality.  Spending time and exchanging affection with my friends can be an expression of my sexuality.  I haven't had a big eye for fashion, but a couple of friends recently took me shopping for fancy clothes for an upcoming event.  I realized I had been living under this rock of "conservative dress" standards and that yes, it's ok to spice things up a bit and feel sexy!  That can be an expression of my sexuality.

One of our final songs was "Hymn to Freedom..."

When every hand joins every hand, and together joins our destiny
That's when we'll be free.

When we sang that song, I didn't think of the "freedom to marry" or "sexual freedom," but the freedom to be myself, to discover more of what makes me tick, the freedom to express myself, and the freedom to...quite literally...hold hands.

"Gay Equality" and the Church

This topic frustrates me, probably like it does others, only from varying angles.  I want to say something like, "What the world doesn't want you to know...," or "What I have to say is unpopular."  It seems in society we have to be part of some minority or be "unpopular" in order to have a something valid to say.  But I understand this is a touchy subject and that there are several understandable and valid perspectives out there.

This is mine.

I feel like I'm in some sort of minority, but I don't know if that's true.  Perhaps it depends on what social circles we're talking about.

Thing is...in many ways, I'm already an equal in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

-First off, and most importantly I'm already in equal in that I'm a son of God.  I'm His child just like anyone else.  Something I like is thinking "I am..." and letting the silence speak for itself.  Underneath all labels, everything associated with this mortal existence, I am...

-I have equal access to all the blessings of the gospel.  If it's true that in eternity, every blessing will be mine, then there it is.  I don't understand how it will all work out.  If I don't have a wife and children in the eternities, I'm sure the Celestial Kingdom will have an *equal* amount of blessings for me.  Whatever those are.

-No one has ever denied me the right to marry, save for being underage.  I've had equal access to the rights and blessings of marriage.  We could talk about gender, but the way this has been portrayed in some narratives...I've been denied the right to marry...like...at all.  But that's not true.  Whether it would be good for me or advisable is an entirely different story.  I've had equal access to marriage.

-I bear the Priesthood and can go forward just like any man or woman who is endowed with priesthood power.

-I can serve in the temple...I can even take part in temple sealings!  I've even been to the temple with gay friends.  Heck, I've even been applauded by a wedding entourage as I exited the Bountiful Temple one time.

-I can serve in a wide variety of church callings...some of them not, but because I am single, not because I am gay.  There are some specific callings that do require a married man or a married couple.  If you ask me...I can't say I even desire those callings.  However, I do know many a gay person who have served in leadership callings throughout the Church.

-When it comes to relationships, literally no one has ever said I can't love a man...it's been some others in the gay community who have told me that I can't "love a man" in my church.  In a world where "love is love," I'm free to love in many beautiful ways...some of which I've yet to explore.  Yes, love is love, but is love always sex and marriage?

-In a world where same-sex marriage is legal, it would be nice to have some sort of equivalent for people who believe in marriage as outlined in the Family Proclamation.  As I've mentioned in other posts, I've loved learning about the idea of wedded brotherhood and promise-bound friendships.  I get the argument about legal protections, and who knows?  Maybe if our leaders can see enough couples being chaste together they'll be ok with time-only marriages for legal reasons.  But...does it have to be marriage?  Do we have to get married in order to see ourselves as equal?

I understand that in Utah and some other states, they gave up on civil unions/domestic partnerships because same-sex marriage was legalized.  Did those who pushed for gay marriage believe they were helping all gay people, or all gay people who wanted to be partnered?  Are there going to be any allies advocating for changes in culture...to allow for friendship and brotherhood to be rekindled in religious traditions?  Or is it just going to continue to be a push for marriage to be redefined?  Some have used the argument of "separate but equal."  Well...that's what I want.  I might want my relationships to be equal in value and importance as that of marriage, but it's not marriage.  It's something different.  I want it to be that way.

-I believe that...aside from the cultural baggage, we could be really close to realizing same-sex relationships, partnerships, friendships...whatever you want to call...as valuable and worth celebrating, even within the context of man-woman marriage and the law of chastity.

Are there things that can improve for gay people in the Church all around?  Of course.  Are there cultural hurdles to get over?  Definitely.  I just like pointing out all the good things that are happening.

So anyway.  I just wanted to share some of my thoughts on this.  It's fairly common for me to come across posts from people who are waiting for "gay equality" in the Church.  There's a lot I don't know.  I'm becoming increasingly open to uncertainty.  But for me, "equality" is already here.  I'm not defined by my sexuality nor my relationship status.  Those things are pretty powerful and important in ones life, but I'm already equal because I am a loved son of God, serving in His kingdom and trying to serve and love those around me.