Typically, our summer concerts contain a few pioneer songs followed by a main program consisting usually of show tunes and other fun pieces reminiscent of the summer season. However, this one stayed focused on the Pioneer spirit and on the goodness and grace of our Savior, Jesus Christ. The messages of the songs and the spoken narration touched my heart in many ways.
While he was introducing the program, Lloyd Newel talked about the Pioneers, the persecution they faced, and their trek west to a new home in the Salt Lake valley. Sissel talked about the prayers of the pioneers and the tribulation they went through. She sang a beautiful and very well-received piece, "Slow Down," all about listening to the "still, small voice" that speaks to our hearts. She also talked about pioneers who yearn for freedom, a new start and the chance to create something new.
In my social circles, it's common to hear about LGBT pioneers. If you're rolling your eyes, don't worry. I am too. It's OK. I get sick of some of the same old narrative. Actually, at times I'm quite bitter with some voices out there. I'll just be honest and put that out there. However, I think it's a given to say that LGBT people, along with many others who are "different" have experienced hardship and mockery from multiple angles, similar to that of early Latter-day Saints. I haven't experienced as much grief as others. I started learning about myself at about the same time the Church started publishing more material on same-sex attraction. Most of my negativity came from my own internalized messages.
At this weekend's concerts, some of the words spoken and lyrics sung had a direct relation to my experience. I've felt a yearning to break free from many expectations, stereotypes, the "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts." This applies to aspects of Christian culture as well as what now feels like "the LGBT script." Either way, it means leaning less on the arm of flesh and more on God and my own heart. Latter-day Saints and other Christians who are gay have an opportunity to press forward and create something new, especially within the context of sacred covenants. It's an opportunity to forge new trails and build unique communities. I don't quite know what that looks like. Part of it, for me, includes a freedom of self-expression.
It's common to hear "don't act on it," in regards to same-sex attraction...kind of a black and white thing to say. On the flip side, the black and white bleeds over into LGBT culture ("The Church won't let you love...won't let you be yourself..."). I've recently been made aware of the many ways I do act on or otherwise express my sexuality. Exercising and taking care of my body can be an expression of my sexuality. Spending time and exchanging affection with my friends can be an expression of my sexuality. I haven't had a big eye for fashion, but a couple of friends recently took me shopping for fancy clothes for an upcoming event. I realized I had been living under this rock of "conservative dress" standards and that yes, it's ok to spice things up a bit and feel sexy! That can be an expression of my sexuality.
One of our final songs was "Hymn to Freedom..."
When every hand joins every hand, and together joins our destiny
That's when we'll be free.
When we sang that song, I didn't think of the "freedom to marry" or "sexual freedom," but the freedom to be myself, to discover more of what makes me tick, the freedom to express myself, and the freedom to...quite literally...hold hands.
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