Rants of a “Politically Incorrect” LGBT Person - Part 1

How do we stop racism?  Stop talking about it. I’m going to stop calling you a white man. And I’m going to ask you to stop calling me a black man.  -Morgan Freeman

OK well...some of my thoughts might fall in-line with "political correctness (like how I used 'LGBT' in my title even though I'm finding myself drifting away from seeing that as an identity)," but in the end it's just how I feel.

I do have feelings as a white man that I don't feel like I can share in many places without being attacked our countered.  There definitely are perspectives and feelings I have that seem to be "wrong," whether it has to do with LGBT stuff, race, gender, etc.  I'm trying to live according to the beliefs I hold; that each person is a divine child of God.  I'm for "equality" in that sense.  It's just that different people seem to have interpretations of what of it means.  It seems like there's a line of thought (on the left side of politics somewhere) that says, "If you don't do it this way, then you are being racist, homophobic, xenophobic, transphobic, female-phobic (if there's such a term)."  Are we "equal" by virtue of being spiritual beings?  Bleeding the same?  Worthy of love and belonging?  Or are we all to become the same with no differences whatsoever?

I was raised to see pretty much everyone as the same, or rather to look at the content of character more than external appearance or gender.  Men and women held different stewardships, but neither was more important than the other.  Yeah, I found it strange when I learned that some moms worked outside the home, but that's just because my mom stayed home...and it's because she wanted to.  I was unaware that...because I'm a man...that I had any bearing on pressuring other women to stay at home or other men to stay in the workplace.  And yet as a "white man," I'm constantly grouped in with some sort of oppressive group of men...by virtue of my gender and my skin color...it's all my fault simply because I exist.

There was a time when I looked at someone with a different shade of skin color, and I admired them.  I thought it they were beautiful!  I still try to enjoy physical differences like skin color, hair color, hair texture, etc.  I still try to appreciate them for what they are...the beautiful diversity that God created.  I can even appreciate history for what it is and feel bad for what people have gone through.

Yet now everything's been so politicized, and I'm supposed to attach a bunch of assumptions to someone's skin color or gender (including my own)...so much so that it's hard to not feel anger when see or think about skin color...this includes all the assumptions that go along with being "white."  It's said that some children learn racism from talking about racism...not being taught racism, but talking about it.  I think I might fall in the latter.  Someone close to me mentioned that she didn't think there was anything strange about playing with her Hispanic friend until her friend's mom said something about her being "lucky" that she was allowed to play with her daughter.

Wasn't it Morgan Freeman who said, "Stop talking about (racism).  I'm going to stop calling you a white man.  And I'm going to ask you to stop calling me a black man...."  Now, I'm not even that "conservative," only because skin color can be helpful in describing people, but I don't believe that it's central to who someone is.  I'll point out that Mr. Freeman also thought Black History Month was "ridiculous" and then posed the question of why there's no White History Month.  I personally see the point behind Black History Month and can appreciate it.  But I also feel like I miss out on celebrating my heritage or my skin color in the exact same ways.  To do so, however, would be an atrocity in today's political climate (yes, I've been "educated" on why there's no White History Month and why I apparently don't need to celebrate my race and ethnicity, but it doesn't mean I like it.)

Reverend Amos C. Brown, after he met with President Russell M. Nelson, said that it would be well for us to lock arms..."not as black and white, not as Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or Baptist, but as children of God who are about loving everybody and bringing hope, happiness and good health to all of God's children."

(And are we to just write off the words of these prominent figures (who are both black) as "white supremacist" perspectives or "white fragile" perspectives?  Because I feel aligned with what they have said.  And yet those feelings have now been lumped in with "white supremacy" or "white fragility" in some supposedly "progressive" forums.  The simple ideas of "white history" or "white pride" are deemed inherently racist.  But I say racism is not in the DNA of being white or being an American.)

Now is it required that I "acknowledge my privilege" in order to "bring hope, happiness and good health to all of God's children.?"  How is self-loathing, self-shaming or even guilt for things I didn't do going to help me help other people?  Now, this is part of my unique story...discussions about privilege just bring about a bunch of uncomfortable feelings that border on self-hatred.  Maybe other people can accept "privilege" with more grace and peace than I can.  People say that the uncomfortable feelings are because of my "white privilege" and that I'm used to seeing white people in power, being the majority, etc.  But those aren't my feelings and thoughts.  Those are theirs.  I say that the uncomfortable feelings stem from the belief or expectation that my feelings aren't valid, that I can't express them...or that my feelings are already represented by a history of white male-ness, so there's no room for me to express what I feel.

I'm willing to acknowledge that I haven't had to face some things that others have.  I also face things that others haven't.  I just feel like it's too generalizing to base it all on skin color and/or gender.  I really struggle measuring privilege by a string of criteria.  It puts us into categories, and I thought people like Martin Luther King were opposed to stuff like that.

A few years ago, the Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square sang "Lift Every Voice and Sing," what is known as the Black National Anthem.  While many people of varying shades of skin color appreciated it, it also hit some other black people in a way that caused more pain.  For them, it wasn't our song to sing, as a "predominately white choir."  I don't really know how to validate them without feeling uncomfortable myself.  So what do I do with those uncomfortable feelings?  Where do I get to express how I feel as a white man?  Where can I express how I felt being lumped into a "predominantly white choir" as if it's a bad thing?  What if I'm actually offended at being called "white?"  Yet even these feelings and frustrations of mine are characterized as "white fragility" as opposed to real, legitimate feelings that deserve to be understood.

It's possible that I just don't always have the emotional stamina to engage in conversations where I just need to listen.  Perhaps it's a social media thing.  Perhaps it matters how closely involved I am with people and whether our relationship warrants such vulnerability.

I recently joined the Inclusion and Diversity Committee (IDC) at my work.  I didn't join to be sat down and be educated as a white man or help "educate white people."  I did join to learn, of course, but also to contribute and share my own unique perspectives and ideas.  While they do care about the demographics (I proudly mark the "gay" box on our yearly employee satisfaction survey...adding to the "diversity" of the agency), they also go beyond and are more comprehensive.  They shared a video about how someone should be able to share a "politically incorrect" opinion and be heard as well.  The craft part of our industry, yes, tends to be dominated by white males.  However, they are separated by distance and some disconnection with the corporate world.  Part of our efforts include reaching out to them to let them know we want to include them as part of our agency family...and discussing ways to do that.

I was impressed when, before I joined, a member of the IDC visited our Salt Lake office and pointed out that although many in our office are of the same race, even though there are more men than women...that we are still diverse based on different experiences, backgrounds and beliefs.  Our region's leadership team, at this point, just happens to be all white males.  It's not always like that.  It's just how it is right now.  But that doesn't mean there aren't diverse perspectives.

We did have some training from an outside consultant specializing in inclusion and diversity.  Some things I learned that I hadn't considered before.  Some things I liked.  Some things actually did reference men and assumptions made about them (although it was a small minority of the material).  Other parts I really had a hard time with.  It was very "left" leaning complete with up-to-date terminology like LatinX.  We did that exercise where you put yourself in the middle and put your closest friends and coworkers around you to see if they're diverse enough by way of gender, race, LGBTQ status, etc.  What do you do?  Do I go up to a black person and ask them to be in my closest network just for the sake of diversity...even if it's not genuine?  I had other issues which may or may not be included in further posts.  But luckily I had a group of coworker friends emerge from that...yes a diverse bunch of women and men (including one Latino man)...but we all shared similar feelings about this training that we had...that we didn't agree with everything and that we felt there was a sense of "man-shaming."  I felt supported in that group.

Anyway, I'm obviously passionate about this.  I'm not against inclusion and diversity and I certainly don't consider myself a conscious racist or that I'm somehow superior to people of different colors (cause I have a color too...that thought alone is considered "politically incorrect" in some places).  I certainly don't deny the existence of racism nor my efforts to call it out when I see it.  However, in some modern "progressive" ideologies, it's hard to not feel like I'm some evil person who has to repent of simply being white and male.  Yes, I'm trying to pick up pieces and help where I can in society, but I'm sick of the assumptions that are made about my skin color and my gender.  Hopefully most of us are combatting racism, albeit in different ways.  I prefer to say that there's a messy middle ground and work with that.