"Remember Pride Month, and Keep it Holy"

 Thanks to the Babylon Bee for the title idea...

If something truly represented "the LGBT community" (for example, a rainbow flag, Pride month/year), why would any LGBT people have to do any sort of mental gymnastics to actually feel represented by it?

This isn't a question to be answered here.  I don't need yet another lecture as to what Pride represents or reasons why my feelings shouldn't be what they are, or that all of it does represent me whether I feel it or not...etc.  Rather, it's the basis of my thoughts and perhaps part of why I feel conflicted with Pride flags and why I have to investigate further whenever something says "LGBT-friendly."  It's a question I ask myself every time I see a rainbow flag hung from businesses, from neighbors, etc. I defend their right, just as I reserve the right to have nuanced opinions about it.

In many circles, any sort of hesitation, critique, awkwardness or negative reaction to Pride and rainbows is "homophobia," "internalized homophobia and self-hatred" or somehow "aligning with the oppressor," especially if one has traditional views of marriage and family.  I've considered all those and have come to understand what "homophobia" looks like in my own life.  With the constant redefining of words, I am not of the belief that reducing "homophobia" is going to lead me to love Pride celebrations or change my views about the family unit (remember, I am one who believes that even if I have something with a man, I can still uphold traditional family values in general).

I came across a satirical post (that I loved) that had a fictitious commandment: "Remember Pride Month, and keep it holy."  I laughed and thought it was hilarious.  But seriously...isn't it true as well?  So often I feel like there are things I'm not supposed to say or think...like I'm denigrating something sacred if I have the wrong feelings or say something out of line.  Heaven forbid I combine a rainbow symbol with a conservative message?  It's like a religion unto itself.  I personally feel like there are many movements that may have started with legitimate intents that have grown into entirely new belief systems and sets of rules...and it has me concerned.

One could make some valid parallels to aspects of church culture...the ones that keep people caged and not feeling themselves.  We won't agree on what all those are, but I get it.  And yet not as many of these belief systems have priesthood authority or saving ordinances. 

I walked by two homes in a neighborhood.  One was donning a Pride flag.  The other donned a U.S. flag.  I knew these people and that I could probably have decent conversations with them (and even be open with my complicated views on Pride stuff), but at first glance, I felt more drawn to the home with a U.S. flag.  I thought I could be more "myself" there and connect in many ways.  For the other, I imagined walking on eggshells and monitoring my thoughts more closely.  "Self-censorship" sounds like and appropriate descriptor.  

I feel blessed to have found some more voices of LGBT people ranging from simply being open to differing opinions about Pride...or all the way to despising it (I have one follower who writes in all caps and uses lots of swears to describe what he sees as an LGBT mob).  They help me feel like I'm not alone and that my feelings are valid.  I feel some commonality with those who sometimes find themselves hated by others in their own identity groups (and not everyone of these people share my views on sexual morality...I don't even know that much about most of them...).

What if our sentiments about the modern-day Pride movements doesn't represent "internalized homophobia?"  What if it's actually something good?  If there are LGBT people who are skeptical, feel awkward about, or are abandoning Pride themes altogether in favor of symbols, slogans, or even covenants and faith...that symbolize unity on a bit higher of a plane than identity essentialism?  Our common humanity?  Is that not "progress?"  What if "progress" doesn't look like everyone conforming to rainbows and/or people being silenced or stereotyped if they happen to have some distaste for Pride?  But rather progress looking like individuals practicing more self-acceptance and believing in their own humanity and equalness with people around them?  Some recent movements I am following call it being "Pro-Human."

Yeah, it's kind of boring sometimes, to realize that people are more alike than different...and to build upon those similarities.  As Bret Weinstein and Heather Heying said in their new book, "Our differences are fascinating, but our similarities are what make us human."*  I sometimes feel jealous of what I perceive to be a feeling of specialness associated with Pride and rainbows, and therefore it's hard to leave it alone.  I suppose this is why I sometimes want a special Pride thing for celibate gays and/or conservative gays and/or "Side B" gays who have traditional views on marriage and children. 

 

Not to sound contrary to what I just said, but I don't believe there will ever be a "safe space" for "all LGBT people," and people in general, at least not on the level of identity politics.  But perhaps one element of "inclusion," as well as "Diversity and Inclusion" programs, could be acknowledging that some things just aren't for everyone.

Anyway, I can't possibly represent or validate every single angle or viewpoint regarding Pride and other LGBT issues (or I could, but I think people can eventually find that within themselves...I'm still trying...).  This post originated out of anger, but I've been able to calm down and collect some thoughts.  In large part, I represent myself.  I choose who represents me, and anyone is free to follow and feel represented by me.

*"A Hunter-Gatherer's Guide to the 21st Century," by Heather Heying and Bret Weinstein