Part of being a partner-seeking, gay Christian with a belief in a traditional sexual ethic and view on marriage…is a desire to be heard and understood. Perhaps the same could be said for every human being, but let me feel special for just a moment. I sometimes feel like an overlooked middle child.
This is true when I see LGBT allies, celebrities and others throwing around the word, “equality.” It’s not the fact that gay marriage exists…it’s that’s it’s sometimes termed “marriage equality.” Ryan T. Anderson of the Heritage Foundation said that EVERYONE in America wants marriage equality; that is, treating all marriages equally. The real disagreement was and is: what is marriage?
For me, it’s more than just a mere political thing. It’s personal. I personally feel hurt when someone implies that I’m “against equality.” We’re talking about the inherent worth of every human being. Sometimes it feels like that word alone carries with it an element of shame; like if you didn’t agree with legalizing same-sex marriage then you’re against equality and therefore a bad person who sees other people as less than. How does that come off to GAY people and otherwise decent, religious people who didn’t agree? Some of this has led me to wonder…is it possible for God to be against equality? Or would He ask some of His gay children to take a stand against what the world now calls equality? It’s an awkward place to be.
Some talk about political equality vs. spiritual equality, but others don’t make the distinction at all. Shouldn’t spiritual equality, the belief that God loves everyone equally, trump political equality? At least among people who are in the same church?
When I see celebrities, some of whom I love and adore, talk about “marriage equality” and promoting LGBT rights (giving them the esteemed label of an ally), it’s fine and all…but here’s what goes through my head: “But what do they think about me?” “Do they understand me?” “Do they think they’re advocating for all of the LGBT community?” “Do they respect and have regard for gay people who perhaps didn’t support gay marriage, yet still need to be heard and understood?” “Would they sit and listen to what I have to say about stuff and not superimpose their context onto mine?” “Can they find room in their heart for me and my beliefs?” I can’t control what other people think or do, but at least I can share how I feel about it.
Some of our perspectives need to be heard outside of the context of politics and equality. For some very specific reasons (and some of them still unknown to me), I didn’t support the redefinition of marriage, but that doesn’t mean I’m “against equality.” Everyone carries equal worth and value to God. I still try to treat people with dignity and understanding. I’ve always felt like I would attend a gay wedding if I were ever invited. I’ve been to one so far, and the couple knows I love them, and they love me. I enjoy a few relationships here and there with people who disagree with me (even some in my own family…and I’m the gay one), but we understand each other. Doesn’t that mean more?
I’m not trying to change how things are in our political climate. Same-sex marriage and conversations around it seems to be the new norm…the new mold. It can stand on its own without my comments. The LGBT rainbow flag marches on in progression. I just want people to stop and look at what other LGBT people might feel, perhaps those in an even smaller minority of the LGBT world. For one, I feel like I lie outside what now feels like the LGBT mold, or “gay script” (a term which can be attributed to Mark Yarhouse) which pigeonholes “equality” in a certain way. I’m on a different journey, trying to carve out a place for myself within my church and within various groups who believe in a traditional sexual ethic. Some LGBT groups try to be “all-inclusive,” but unfortunately I feel like they naturally etch me out.
Anyway, some of my own advocacy surrounds the fact that there are gay people (even some in same-sex relationships) who have some deep beliefs about marriage and family that are in line with the Church’s teaching. We exist. We’re here too.
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