Male Touch

So this is a touchy subject (ha ha...get it?); one that has many different opinions, contexts and perspectives.  Therefore, my perspective is still in the molding process.  I've written a lot about this, but had some other thoughts come up.

I recently made a joke in a men's chorus about someone needing to be held.  I honestly didn't mean to make it about sexuality.  It was actually about the lyrics of a piece of music.  Yet people around me made it about sexuality.  There was a "no-homo" attitude about it, and since this brother was married, the word "bisexual" came up.  It was all in good fun.  It was just something I noticed.  I thought (and even muttered), "straight guys can hold each other too."

Now, I find myself somewhat loose on this topic.  Just call me a cuddle slut.  I always look forward to getting together with my other "covenant-keeping queers" and getting quality hugs, cuddles and kisses.  I wrote about "holy kisses" here.  I am single, so take this with a grain of salt...but how does male affection work when you have a spouse or partner?

I was talking about committed relationships or marriages with my mom and about how I felt like all men should be able to express affection with each other.  She then gave some specific examples and then I said, "Yeah...that is kind of awkward."  If you're a married woman, can you imagine your husband snuggling up with a man?  Maybe even a brother?  It could be against marital vows and/or simply against social norms.  Nevertheless, I know some women who actually encourage their gay husbands to get their guy time (and I don't mean sexual ventures!).  It helps them be more devoted husbands and fathers.

So perspectives are all over the place.  If I were married to a woman, I wouldn't want to be out snuggling with other women, but with men?  I don't know.  I don't know if sexual orientation even needs to be considered.  No matter what, I'm going to need male connection in some form or another.  I don't know much about relationships, but I do know that a spouse cannot meet all of a person's needs!  Anyway, I don't much like comparing varying levels of male affection to that found in a marriage between a man and a woman.  But...that's just me.

So all that is kind of a mess, but however you want to look at it, I think that in general, men have been touched deprived.  It is said that Utah has a very high usage of pornography.  I know some of that has to do with the way we tend to teach sexual morality.  But I was driving home from a recovery group one evening and I wondered...are most men missing a chunk of needed connection in their lives...with each other?

See this picture?  It is beautiful to me.  Hopefully we don't have to wait until tragedy strikes in order to hold each other close.  Heck, I see women sit close and hold hands to comfort one another.  I hope to see more of this kind of ministry among men.

As always, I love thinking about what Christ would do.  Would He shy away from affection out of fear of it looking "gay?"  He would hold me, let me rest my head on His shoulder, hold my hand and let me know life will be ok.  In a sense...we are His hands.

Appendix:

In gathering my thoughts on this post, I reviewed this video on some of the taboos of male affection.  So for what it's worth...