Complications of a Side B Gay Latter-day Saint

"What? Another label?"  Yes.  Another label, but one that has been helpful to me.

This is another smattering of thoughts about recent events.

I've enjoyed getting to know other gay Christians from various denominations.  We have varying beliefs about the gospel and interpretations of it, but we have common beliefs in regards to sexuality, or more specifically, the institution of marriage between a man and a woman and that sexual behavior is meant to stay in that union.  Yet many of us still believe our "non-straight" sexuality carries meaning and purpose and that it is an important part of who we are.  I've come to know this as a "Side B" sexual ethic, whereas "Side A" is more affirming of same-sex marriage and sexual relations.

This might look divisive, but I really appreciate the quick sum-up of what someone believes so there aren't as many questions, arguments or talking past one another.  Side B includes everything from mixed orientation, to singleness to celibate partnership.  That's where I am.  And contrary to popular belief (what is "popular belief," anyway?), it doesn't equate to a life of loneliness and misery.

I feel like the Latter-day Saint LGBT community doesn't really make this kind of distinction.  I feel like sometimes there's an effort to be "everything to everyone."  There are efforts to try and make us all one big happy LGBT family, but I'm not sure it's possible, at least from an organizational level.  There can be lots of talking past one another, and it's exhausting.  I sometimes wonder if "Side A" and "Side B" would be better left to themselves and forging friendships between each other naturally and on an individual level (unfortunately I can't currently be part of the larger Side B Christian group because...I'm a Latter-day Saint...different views about the Godhead).

But I had an interesting interaction that prompted this post to begin with...it was a respectful interaction with a "straight ally" just trying to understand LGBT people.  A suggestion was made for the LGBTQ community to expand and open up space for those who choose celibacy or mixed-orientation marriage.  However, I almost don't want that or expect it from the LGBT community.  I want it from the Church.  My beliefs go with me.  There was also a suggestion that the Church should expand its theology to include same-sex marriage...and that those who feel inspired to celibacy or mixed orientation marriage would still be able to do so.  I found that kind of an odd suggestion.

This caused me to evaluate why I choose what I currently choose.  I've entertained what is available to me in the doctrines of the gospel.  My choices aren't completely independent of what the prophets and apostles say.  I do still have some feelings about The Family: A Proclamation to the World that I cannot deny.  I studied and prayed independently of what my leaders told me.  That doesn't mean I believe marriage is for me, at least not right now, but I just feel like I understand.

I've enjoyed entertaining ideas about brotherhood, friendship and celibate partnership...various types of intimacy that, to me, work within the doctrines of the gospel as they are now.  They're simply possibilities for Side B gay Latter-day Saints to fulfill our relational needs ("It is not good for man to be alone" doesn't just pertain to those cut out for heterosexual marriage).  I entertain these ideas because of my respect for marriage between a man and a woman and the law of chastity.  I do not feel they are in conflict and I'm not trying to infringe on those doctrines.  I do not equate partnership with "husband and husband."

But if the Church did change what marriage is and the law of chastity in that regard, my perspectives on celibate partnership and other ways of living wouldn't carry as much weight.  If marriage is available to me now, why not take it?  However, I can't say I'm "blindly following."  It's because I believe President Russell M. Nelson is a prophet of God.  I don't always agree with how things get said, but the Holy Ghost bears witness to me of the truth without language barriers.  I still follow in faith.

Hope that all made sense.  It did in my head.

So from my little corner, I see many loud voices clamoring for the Church to change doctrine, and the Church keeps responding to them, as if all LGBT people possess the same beliefs.  With same-sex marriage being legal and a whole month (or more) devoted to gay Pride, I have a hard time believing I'm NOT a part of some overlooked minority.

I know about the law of chastity.  I know what marriage is.  Yet I'm wondering what else there is for us in the gospel and in the Church.  And hopefully the answer is that we do not need to be commanded in all things, that we do have the freedom to explore our sexuality, especially within the bounds the Lord has set.  Hopefully we do have the freedom to be physically affectionate in public and at church, and hopefully it won't scream SEX to everyone.

I don't know if I'm adequately explaining my thoughts, but in summary, it's awkward and sometimes agonizing being a Side B gay Latter-day Saint.  I don't feel at home in LGBTQ communities.  Many times I see "LGBT-friendly" or some event that is "all-inclusive," yet my heart already gets heavy because they most likely won't support my beliefs.  My spirit knows it's at home among the membership of the Church, yet I'm still trying to figure out what it means to "be myself" within that context.  I know there's a place for me, but I'm still creating it.