“Over my nine and a half decades of life, I have concluded that counting our blessings is far better than recounting our problems. No matter our situation, showing gratitude for our privileges is a fast-acting and long-lasting spiritual prescription.”
-President Russell M. Nelson
Almost a couple of weeks ago, President Nelson of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints gave a world-wide, timely Thanksgiving message amid this COVID-19 pandemic, the divisive political and social climate and the economic, spiritual and emotional turmoil many are facing.
I find it interesting how he specifically mentioned gratitude for our privileges. This brought me back to another time earlier this year...I can’t remember specifically, when gratitude brought me out of a negative spiral of negative thinking not only about myself, but the world around me and the pressures to feel shame about what I have and who I am (perhaps both being gay and being a dreaded white man).
The call to be thankful and express gratitude for my blessings AND privileges, for me, stands in stark contrast to many discussions around privilege in social justice narratives. I refer back to critical race theory and other narratives like it. I had heard about what I now call “privilege talk” and long before (I did one of those privilege walks when I attended a certain conference for LGBT Latter-day Saints...and it wasn’t North Star).
Critical Theory seems to be like the mothership of everything of that nature.
If gratitude and the positivity and charity that comes with it are somehow inherent with critical theory and privilege talk, it’s completely lost on me. Privilege talk triggers many kinds of feelings of shame, self-loathing and overthinking...and the guilt and shame isn’t even genuine. It feels manufactured and like something I’m supposed to feel about where I am in life. I’ve heard critical theory described like a religion or a cult, except without the presence of a loving God from whom all blessings flow. For me it’s psychologically damaging and I thought, “Am I the only one feeling this? Is there something wrong with me?” Of course, as mentioned in a previous post, all of my hesitations and and troubles surrounding critical social justice can be summed up as my “white fragility” and a denial of my own internalized racial superiority.
Additionally, isn’t it commonly said that comparison is the thief of joy? While maybe not on the same scale as race, I think of what it would be like if I constantly blamed straight people for all of my problems and what I don’t have and continually asked them to “check their straight privilege.” I just don’t think it’s helpful for conversation and I feel like it sidesteps our common humanity, shared interests, and shared struggles. But then again, others might tell me that I “benefit from straight privilege” because of my beliefs. Heck...even if I were in a full-fledged same-sex relationship, I’d imagine that I’d need to take each situation as it comes and extend the grace that I hope to receive from others. In my experience, ministering and lifting others up is done one by one and on a case by case basis.
I feel like so many branches of identity politics operate from a place of shame and “shoulding.” Even when people say “it’s not about guilt or hating yourself,” the very language of placing people on a hierarchy of privilege and/or oppression just doesn’t feel right and authentic.
Gratitude for what I have, who I am, where I live...seems to carry a much better energy and place from which to operate. This past Thanksgiving, when I would have been running a 5k were it not for COVID, I instead went up to Bountiful Boulevard in 30-degree weather and went for a 3-mile walk. I love the change from summer to fall to winter, with all the holidays, time to reflect and be thankful, time to be with family and play games and eat lots (working on that when it comes to the rest of the year). I love the chilling weather especially when I know I’ll be in a warm home again sipping hot chocolate and later enjoying a Thanksgiving feast with my family.
Gratitude helps me to have a better self-image. It helps me take better care of myself and take care of the stewardships God had entrusted me with. It helps me remember that I am loved and that I matter.
Upon expressing some of my thoughts and feelings about “privilege talk,” some of my social media friends commented and they seem to have drastically different feelings. Some people are able to hold to their self-worth and self-love while simultaneously engaging in privilege talk. More power to them.
Instead of insisting that everyone “check their privilege” and get on-board with critical race theory and “anti-racism,” why not accept that it’s not going to ring true for everyone and it’s not going to get everyone to act out of their own goodness and genuine care for others?
Helen Pluckrose, a liberal cultural writer and co-author of the book, Cynical Theories, said, “Employers must defend their employees’ freedom of belief and make their policies against racism accommodating of the full range of ideological and philosophical views from which one can oppose racism.”
In one of her interviews hosted by Dr. Karlyn Borysenko, another liberal thinker, Helen specifically mentioned the belief that we are all children of God was definitely a valid perspective to come from. And this is one which I believe the Church and many other denominations try to operate from. This is what I understand “colorblindness” to mean. It’s a goal. It means that you try to dissociate assumptions about someone based on their skin color (Martin Luther King Jr. comes to mind). Some see “colorblindness” as denial or the “new racism” (heck..if the definition of racism keeps changing, we’re never going to get anywhere...and I believe that’s part of the madness of critical theories), but I do not believe “colorblindness” eliminates the existence of racial bias. I believe bias to be very individualized and sometimes a very personal journey. And even when people say they’re “not racist,” or “don’t have prejudice,” I don’t believe, and I don’t believe that they believe, that they have no bias. It’s part of being a human. I don’t think I’m “educating” anyone on this.
I always say that if there’s unconscious bias, then perhaps there is also unconscious correction and adjustment. I’ve seen it in my life. And sometimes I feel like talking about it too much can make a bigger deal out of it than it needs to be, not to mention the self-judgment that can come as well.
I also don’t believe “colorblindness” denies the existence of economic disparity. Generational wealth and poverty are realities, but is it responsible to chalk it up to racism? Furthermore, the racism of “all white people?” I don’t think so. I think there are some harmful narratives that get perpetuated that can be harmful for many people. There could be a variety of reasons things are they way they are (even if they did originate in times of state-sanctioned racism), just as there are a variety of possible solutions to these kinds of problems. As part of that, many Latter-day Saints contribute a portion of their income to the Church and more offerings for numerous welfare and humanitarian efforts. Whether that’s considered “using my privilege” or not, hopefully it goes far.
Anyway, it was a refreshing wake-up call to hear the prophet and the president of the Church urge us to express and lean into gratitude for our blessings and privileges. It knocked me out of the ever so enticing messages of the world that I should be ashamed of myself and all that I have. I definitely have experienced and seen how gratitude can act as a spiritual healing power in many ways.
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