"No sides, only love."
It sounds nice, and I wonder if it's applicable outside of the context in which I so often find myself. Another example of this could be when larger LGBT Christian communities between Side A and Side B. Some might say, "Why do we need sides? Can't we just be one big happy LGBT family?"
I want to say "yes," but wouldn't be completely genuine. I need sides. In trying to find friends and support networks, I need to know that my beliefs and values will be supported and not just "tolerated" amidst a larger view that is assumed to be applicable to all LGBT people (I'm imagining going in to some LGBT groups where I can personally believe in sexual stewardship and in marriage between a man and a woman...but the general consensus seems to be the opposite and that the Church should change in this manner). I could imagine some in these groups saying, "Come in! We love you! There is room for everyone!" But once they hear what I think, "OK, you should probably keep that to yourself because people get triggered by that."
One could say that I'm equally triggered, just the other way around. Like when I hear about how mean and hateful conservatives and the Church are toward gay people. I don't want to be part of a group where that is all I hear.
I want to find love and intimacy within commonly understood teachings found within the Family Proclamation. I would want my life companion to share the same beliefs as I do regarding such things (yes, if I were to "do life" with a brother at my side).
I once heard someone (a self-proclaimed straight ally) describe an experience at a certain LGBT LDS-oriented conference. I guess there was a panel discussion that at the very least included a man in a mixed-orientation marriage and then a lesbian couple. The man was asked about the sacrifices he made for his relationship and then the two women were asked about the sacrifices they had made. I guess someone looking from the outside in might see that as an amazing panel discussion, but when I heard about this little exchange, I thought, "What's the point? Am I supposed to view those situations as equally upheld in the gospel? In the temple?" I guess not every LGBT conference (or perhaps very few) or panel discussion is going to affirm church doctrine and treat is as truth. Perhaps it's a way of showcasing the diversity that can be found in the LGBT community, and I'm all about that, especially politically.
I guess you're in the lens of trying to find support specifically for keeping covenants and navigating love within that context...a panel or conference like that probably isn't the place (even though there are messages like "all are welcome").
I recently finished one of the memoirs released by Deseret Book about LGBT issues. I won't say which one. This brought up a complex set of emotions, of course. I remember going through many of the same challenges with self-acceptance and trying to make sense of my sexual orientation and the gospel that I felt was true. Even some of the things he wrote that resonated with me as "true" still made me angry. I suppose it's because there are some things I wanted to say but didn't have anyone to express them to. Or...perhaps I simply wanted to be the one to relay the same things this author was saying (don't steal my thunder!).
On the flip side, I noticed that there were some perspectives about which I differ...some of them almost the exact opposite! For example, I feel more "marginalized" in the LGBT community than I do in the Church. That doesn't mean I don't still desire companionship or the ability to more comfortably show affection to my boyfriends in public and at church (hey...girls say "girlfriend" all the time, so I think I can have boyfriends...). But I find that at least on a spiritual level, I share many of the same perspectives and political views of many church members. And good heavens, if anyone who doesn't fit within a "traditionally marginalized group" (barf), I want to be there for them too!
When I hear calls for "unity" and "safe spaces," I shudder, mostly because I don't know what that looks like. What kind of unity? Are we seeking unity in Christ? Unity in a worldly ideology? A world where there is no right or wrong? I can fathom a sense of individual respect, but that's hard to do on a collective, ideological level. I've been one who would like to see same-sex couples comfortable enough to come to church and participate as much as possible and be supported just like any other family. Where I take issue is the advocacy and fighting against fundamental church teachings (at least that's what the media likes to spotlight).
I feel a sense of unity when I see other people as children of God. I the United States I feel a sense of unity when there is a shared love for our country and when we view ourselves as fellow citizens above our other characteristics. I feel a sense of unity with other gay individuals who share similar political views as I do...even if we differ on things such as marriage.
I recently left a neighborhood where we had a gay couple. It was great because there was politeness and understanding both ways. They knew I was gay and had some different perspectives. I know without a doubt that our other neighbors would run to their defense if there were an act of hate (and to my knowledge, that wasn't needed). In a way, this couple was an example to me of giving what you hope to receive. They gave out love and neighborly friendship and that's what they got in return. It was beautiful. I'd say there was "unity" in that we shared a community and cared for it together.
Anyway, I'm not as bigoted as I probably sound. It's understandable that we all want a "safe space" and a place of belonging. I'm just not sure that it's always going to be within the same organization or "side."
P.S. - All of this just represents my own journey. Things are in flux. I don't know where I'll land on all this...if at all. This is just representative about where I am right now.
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